MGTOW men, welcome back.
There are two articles that I want to talk about over the next two weeks.
Fittingly, they are both pretty recent. They have to do with complementarianism and the metoo movement. For those that are new, each Sunday I take a look at MGTOW and its relationship to the red pills in the Bible or the status of the church today. There are many connections between the two for those that aren’t aware and I want to respond to a couple of articles that have been given some eyes and have risen to prominence over the past couple of months.
One is from well-regarded theologian and pastor, John Piper, and the other is from Beth Moore. Moore is a well-known author in Protestant Christian spheres, appealing largely to the groups of women that are in Bible studies, counseling groups and so forth.
Today I am just talking about the idea of complementarianism. The burden on men is a fact of life. MGTOW is here to bring this up. Aptly put, if you don’t listen to anything else I have to say today, just know that what MGTOW does is that it asks you this question — do you want to be a part of this expectation? The extra work that is going to go into getting that white picket fence and family, supposed happy life and marriage? Because this is what’s expected. Nobody has told you that previously.
I was asked back in an interview I had with MisandryToday to talk about complementarianism and whether or not I agree with it. This is essentially a concept held in Abrahamic religions stating that men and women have different yet complementary roles and responsibilities in marriage, religious leadership, in the church, etc.
I don’t disagree with this at face value. What I have an issue with is where expectations on men are not talked about as being expectations, and then men get into situations where they have to put in work, not knowing that they have to put in work. It’s what I talk about all of the time in MGTOW — men are waking up to realities that haven’t been shared with them, just realities that they’ve had to find by happenstance.
One of the things that hits a lot of men, and particularly Christian men, is that for a relationship to exist today at all, a man is going to have to put in more work than what would be considered “equal”. Or, at least it’s expected, as a standard of chivalry is the baseline standard that is expected of men. If that’s the baseline standard, then something underneath chivalry leaves a lot of men in the dust. In Christian churches, the expectation of servitude plays into this. I’m not knocking the purpose of being a servant, but it positions a lot of men unfavorably. John Piper actually brings up this in an excerpt that I’m going to read.
When read, why would a man want to be a part of this?
This is where biblical complementarians step in to say that something beautiful and vital is lost, when the only summons to men, in relation to women, is the same as the summons given to women, in relation to men. Calls like: be respectful, be kind, keep the Golden Rule.
No, say complementarians. God requires more of men in relation to women than he does women in relation to men. God requires that men feel a peculiar responsibility for protecting and caring for women. As a complementarian, I do not say that this calling is to the exclusion of women protecting and caring for men in their own way. I am saying that men bear a peculiar burden of responsibility that is laid on them in a way that is not laid on women.
It’s tragic when a whole culture refuses to tell men that their manhood includes a peculiar kind of care for women.
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Modeling the peculiar summons to the man in marriage, Christ dies for his bride to save her, beautify her, nourish her, and cherish her (Ephesians 5:25–30). In Paul’s way of thinking, this peculiar calling of manhood is no more reversible with the calling of womanhood than the work of Christ is reversible with the work of the church.
And since this calling is rooted, not in asexual competencies, but in the nature of manhood itself, its implications for life are not limited to marriage. To be sure, a husband bears unique responsibilities to his wife. But this deeper meaning of manhood does not lose its significance when he walks out of the door of his home. Men, as men, everywhere, all the time, bear a burden, under God, to care for the well-being of women, which is not identical to the care women owe men.
This message, at the heart of complementarianism, has been all but muted in our culture. Many would rather sacrifice this peculiar biblical mandate, given for the good of women, than betray any hint of compromise with egalitarian assumptions. Thus, I am arguing, we have forfeited both a great, God-ordained restraint upon male vice, and a great, God-ordained incentive for male valor.
That’s the thing. It has been muted.
MGTOW is unmuting these things. What does this mean as a Christian MGTOW? Well, since we are not engaging in these relationships and we aren’t getting married, that doesn’t mean that we aren’t picking up burdens elsewhere. MGTOW men are still picking up burdens. We are picking up burdens in other areas. We are mentoring other people, helping other guys out, taking care of ourselves for once — because society doesn’t promote that — we are improving our craft, doing well at work, in hobbies, and other people are benefiting from those things.
We are not opting out of benefiting other people. I still believe in being a servant. MGTOW recognizes that we don’t want this burden on us if we don’t want it, because we don’t need it. There are more ways to skin a cat in this world.
Hoodies up, hoodie is out.