This is a pretty broad topic. I’m sure that anyone who has dated has experienced this, although each instance of being compared to a girlfriend/wife’s ex or male friend comes with a different severity.
I’ve been compared to my ex anywhere from how I walk her across a busy street to my attractiveness (or lack thereof) or to the fact that I don’t sell marijuana and can’t run the streets like her ex boyfriend can.
I was inspired to go into this topic because of a Reddit post titled, “sick of her bs”. This post was appeared on the relationships section of Reddit and isn’t necessarily a MGTOW-related entry, but it brings up some interesting ex and male friend comparisons that I’m sure we can relate to.
Here are some of the Reddit user’s gripings:
1) When I got a raise at work, she said “Oh wow, so you’re almost making as much as [ex boyfriend] Nick, now!”
2) When I got a new car, the first time she rode in it she said she “thought it would have leather seats, because that’s what Trevor’s [male coworker] car had.”
3) When I came home from the gym ecstatic about breaking my personal benchpress record, she said “soon I bet you’ll be as strong as [male friend] Steve!”
Thus, this list of red flags and subsequent issues is hardly representative of all that you may run into in a grass is always greener girlfriend.
What are the Issues?
1) Usually she’s got some real inflated expectations for you
Men and women view the purpose of a relationship far differently. While both men and women want to have a supportive partner to help them achieve self-actualization, women are biologically wired to relate the quality of their relationship and partner to their own personal value and success in life. This fosters disproportionately high expectations for you as a boyfriend or spouse.
The logic of comparing you, her current partner, to someone she left because of a myriad of reasons is pretty laughable. Good luck winning when the bar is set well above the Olympic high jump record.
- You’ve got a great apartment, her ex has a great house
- You’ve got a solid career in business, her ex has a more lucrative law career
- You give her continual affection, her ex bought her flowers more frequently
- You give her too much attention, her ex dismissed her on random…which is somehow desirable
- You have a nice physique, her ex turned down opportunities to model for American Eagle
None of these things may be true, but she can play them off as true out of pure strategy to get you to make changes to yourself.
2) She isn’t encouraging you to improve yourself for any reason other than for her gain
Losing the ability to build yourself up and better your life for the sake of your own betterment as a human is probably one of the biggest reasons to end a relationship. When you’re improving yourself to become more like the ex’s that your girlfriend or spouse had, you certainly should break up.
What’s going on here is that she is essentially building an ideal prototype of the guy that she wants. At the end of the day, enough would never be enough though, and you’re always going to be insufficient in some way.
Move on, you’re going to regret all the time that you tried to be more demonstrative, demanding, chivalrous, drunk, manly or whatever for the sake of what you thought would satisfy her.
Dating is not a design your own character World of Warcraft character building game.
3) It’s usually a sign of hypergamy
If you’re reading this, you likely know about hypergamy. For those that don’t know what hypergamy is, hypergamy is loosely defined as marrying or dating someone for the sake of the status that it affords you.
Throughout human history we’ve confused the idea that we marry out of love, romance, compatibility and other Hollywood-esque qualities. The truth is rather that we’ve always married out of status concerns.
The difference today is the rampant rate of divorce, hookups and the opportunities social media has provided to do so makes our hypergamous tendencies in relationships that much more dangerous.
The walls from being considered a social pariah for cheating or having a divorce have been obliterated, creating a greater itch to be hypergamous. I believe that women have different levels of hypergamous tendencies. The ones constantly comparing you to her emotionally abusive, but amazing in bed, ex is a sign that hypergamy is alive and well in her.
4) You’re probably going to be compared to James Dean or Prince Charming
This is a topic for a whole other blog post. The Hollywood/Disney fan girl will never be satisfied, it’s just something that the feminazis/liberal culture at Disney have cultivated.
The main issue of being compared to movie icons and cultural icons that have emerged from controlled environments that media exist in, is that it doesn’t reflect reality. They’re unrealistic and isolated environments devoid of any of the little idiosyncrasies that a girl would loathe. Also, movies don’t show the doldrums of life where the girl may begin to get bored of the Zac Effrons of the world.
Ultimately, it’s like comparing apples and oranges. It’s not fair or realistic either.
5) She has insecurity issues, and fears insufficiency in your eyes
One way we handle insecurity in certain situations is thinking of people, jobs or environments of our past where we felt belonging. We look at these things with rose colored lenses, even if the experiences were marred by frequent abuse and trials.
For whatever reason she is attempting to reaffirm her own image in your eyes by bringing up positive qualities about her ex. This can lead to other things like resentment and fear in your relationship, which needs immediate attention.
Being constantly compared to your girlfriend or wife’s exes is a symptom of some underlying issue or insufficiency in her confidence at the time. I believe that the most powerful reason identified in this post is number five, “she has insecurity issues”. Talking about our past is a way to give yourself validation in an otherwise uncertain situation. It’s a way of protecting ourselves against discreditation amongst our tribe.
But, the list surely doesn’t end here.
In the next part we will be looking at MGTOW red flags and how they compare with what are called warning flags and green flags.